This morning I was reading a book that has been in my library for years… Carolyn Myss “Anatomy of the Spirit”. 

I’ve been having some weird internal organ, back pain.  Right in the spot where I suffered kidney stones a couple of years ago (separate PSA note: eating high quantities of almonds can cause kidney stones) and I haven’t been able to pinpoint if it’s a food sensitivity or something else that is triggering the pain.  I’ve had blood work done and the stones aren’t back, so in lieu of heading to the doctor, I pulled out this book to see if I could glean any wisdom. 

Carolyn Myss is a teacher of intuitive medical diagnosis in the field of energy medicine.  In a very basic way, she believes that most medical diagnosis are related to how we are blocking our own intuitive abilities and not living our true path.  By breaking down where the illness lives in our body, we can then see what needs to emerge in our lives.  

So to break this down further, I believe this pain is emanating from my kidneys or my liver.  (and yes, mom — I plan to go to the doctor again as well). Per this book, kidneys are affiliated with the 3rd chakra which is tied to our own personal power.

As I was reading this morning about personal power, I read something that jumped out at me:

INTUITION VERSUS FORETELLING THE FUTURE

“…. Every single participant in this workshop had confused intuition with prophetic ability. They thought intuition was the ability to foretell the future. But intuition is neither the ability to engage prophesy nor a means of avoiding financial loss or painful relationships.  It is actually the ability to use energy data to make decisions in the immediate moment.”

She then goes on to say that “intuition makes its presence known by making us feel uncomfortable, depressed, and anxious—or at the other extreme, drifty and detached, as if we were suddenly cut off from all our own feelings”.

This was a eureka moment for me.

I believe myself to be highly attuned to my intuition.  I meditate, I listen to my gut, I try and separate my head, or my “ego" from my intuition. I have my own coach.  But when I don’t like something my intuition tells me… when it makes me feel uncomfortable or “drifty”… when I’m all on my own without accountability to anyone else… I have a tendency NOT to follow it.…  

THEY DON’T TELL YOU FOLLOWING YOUR INTUITION IS HARD

Because it’s hard and I’m not sure what the outcome will be — or even the steps to get there.

And man it’s hard when we have to take our own medicine that we prescribe to other people. I tell people not to worry about the steps… only the grand vision and trust that the steps will appear. But until your following your intuition — even the hard things, you can’t fully step into your “power” or even your true path.

Last night I had a dream.  My daughter was on a traveling soccer team and I was sitting with the other moms of my daughters team.  Then, all of a sudden, the moms on the opposing team ran out onto the field in matching cheer leading costumes and started to do a routine.  I was startled and confused by this — we weren’t judging them vocally, but I noticed internally, I was.  Then I began cheering them on and being impressed by how detailed this routine was and how much effort was put into it.

Later, as I was drinking my coffee at the breakfast table with my daughter, both reading our books, me about intuition, her a graphic novel.  That dream popped back into my head and I had a new awareness, this time around myself — where do I need to be performing my half-time routine?  And who else needs to hear this information right now?

So I decided to record it on video and upload it to instagram stories.  Now, I’m not afraid of public speaking — and though I don’t love looking at myself on video, I’m not averse to it.  Really, I’m just not a fan of watching stories where people go on and on.  But then I thought - this isn’t about how I learn and if someone actually enjoys listening vs. reading, who will miss this message that needs to hear it?  So I video’d myself and uploaded it, I wrote a post and now I’m writing an article.

IT’S NOT JUST ME. IT’S YOU TOO.

Because this isn’t about me.  This is about you, needing to read this right now.  

And maybe it’s me asking you, where do you need to perform a half-time routine in your life?

One last thing about personal power.

THE FOUR STAGES OF PERSONAL POWER

Carolyn Myss breaks it down into four stages:

1. REVOLUTION.  The realization that you don’t want to be part of “group-think” anymore and how do YOU actually want to live your life.  I liken this to “finding your voice”.  That’s actually what started my journey, that I wanted to find my own voice and empower my self with using it.

2. SELF.  And more importantly removing the “-ish” from self. The readiness to be self-aware. Self-healing, self-motivated… or any of the other self-areas that are yours.  For me: this was starting therapy and wanting to understand what part I (italic, bold and underlined) played in my life.  I no longer wanted to be a “victim” of my circumstances and wanted to own all parts of me.

3. INDULGENCE.  Also could be misconstrued as narcissism.  When you reach that part of your life that you feel so empowered by using your own voice and realizing what “self” means to you, that you want to ensure that you are “honoring’ yourself from every corner.  Some people can ,and may, view you as self-ish.  I know I went (and am still in) a phase where the flood gates have opened on my own personal discovery and I just keep going deeper and deeper.  This includes how am I showing up authentically both in my personal relationships, work and in all things that I do.  It also means that I realize what I need, and sometimes put myself first in those needs.

4. EVOLUTION.  Marrying the self-needs with internal.  Self-esteem and spiritual maturity are at one.  Also the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual are working together.  I have glimpses of this - areas of my life where I have evolved-ish, but there is more work to be done.

Honestly, I’m not sure that we ever fully “done”.  Just evolved to a new stage, a new awareness.  

I used to look at my spiritual growth like an onion.  Ever peeling the skin or a layer to go deeper and deeper.  But then you get to the heart of the onion and your done… no onion left, hurrah!

SPIRITUAL GROWTH IS LIKE A SPIRAL

But now, I prefer to think of my growth like a spiral.  Weaving deeper and deeper.  When we think we are done with something, we find we are right back at that same topic or “line” in the spiral,  though now at a new depth, a new awareness.  And by the time you are at the center of the spiral it merges with the whole, there is nothing to throw away, just the being.  That’s the goal.  That’s the evolution.  

And that’s our work.  Follow our intuition, take the uncomfortable action, look at where we are following “group-think”, how does self need to emerge.  And then do it all again….  

Now how will this affect my kidney pain, I don’t know.  But I do know that I’ll go to the doctor, look at where I’m not stepping into my personal power and make sure that I am drinking enough water.