How I Made a Move To Another State
Anxiety about moving to a new state? The struggle is real. Below I will share how I did it…
In my opinion, don’t trust someone who says they have “done the work” and that they “have it all figured out”. What they may have figured out is only one step of the journey that they are on, which might be helpful to you, or might not be.
My advice is to take the learning that serves you and leave the rest.
I definitely know that I have not figured it out.
But what I do have, is a story. A story of how I moved states and the chaos and clarity that ensued.
The way that I view healing, is that sometimes we need space before we are willing to share the hard things – be it to process and have perspective on the other side of the learning, or to potentially protect other members of the story.
I’m definitely on the other side of some pieces of my story, while still in the messy middle of other parts of this journey, but if sharing this part helps you with any part of yours, I’m here for it.
Here’s the TL:DR version:
Separated from husband in fall of 2021 after 19 years of marriage. We each did our best to honor each other and who we are, to separate in a way that was kind to each other and I am proud of us and how we are navigating this new era.
He was offered a job in May of 2022 in Las Vegas (we were living in Seattle, WA since 2013). Within 5 days of receiving the phone call, to the offer the next day, we had sat down with our two kids (6th and 9th grade at the time) and agreed to a move in which we would create two separate homes.
I packed up the whole house, coordinated movers, found a new home and moved within 60 days.
Arrived in Las Vegas in August of 2022, where I have been navigating a new city, new friends, lots of visitors, and a new life.
Weirdly happy.
Now for the long version and the WORK, because this season has been a TEST.
From the time I learned I was moving until I landed in my new city, I had to use ALL the tools in my toolbox. I was straight up tested to practice what I preach in my coaching practice.
The 7 Steps I took to create a new home in a new state:
CLARITY on what I wanted from this next move. From the house, to the school system, friends, etc. My daughter and I actually drew a vision board and I used https://www.mindmovies.com/index.php to create my own movie of what I wanted my new life to look like and watched it daily along with the song A Million Dreams by Pink. (I kid you not, just as we were driving into Las Vegas that very first day this song came on the radio and I burst into tears)
Vision Board For Moving
My daughter and I drew and wrote out what we wanted. St. Therese has always been there to help me find stellar parking spots - so why not a house!?
This clarity for me was tied to my value of family - of being the provider, giving my children an even better life than Seattle. How could this move be for the best and highest good for each member of our family? For me that came down to a specific school district and a 4BR with a pool - if we were going to live in Vegas, I wanted the luxury of a pool and to not be stuck in A/C all day, every day. (I am noting my privilege here on what my bare minimums are may be considered luxuries to many and not enough for others; have no judgment towards yourself as to what your bare minimums requirements are, they are yours.)
We now have everything on that board or better - except for the tree house :)
2. BOUNDARIES around work; if I wasn’t getting paid - I wasn’t doing it. If I was getting paid, it was a priority and I wanted everyone to feel like I was 100% committed. I’m an entrepreneur, so my life may look very different from someone else but we all are working for a pay-check in one way or another and you get to decide where to, respectfully, draw the line of what you can and can’t do and communicate that to others.
3. RELATIONSHIPS. Many, many people had thoughts about this move of mine. Many people that I respect and love. Many who didn’t understand how I could move my family to a new state where I didn’t know anyone. Many who shared their fears for me of what may go wrong. I had to have some very difficult conversations and I am happy to say that we are now better for them.
This would have been difficult to do if I didn’t know that it was the right move for me. For better or worse, once I made the decision to move, I knew that it was the right thing to do and I had to trust that and commit completely.
4. ACTION. I had to take some uncomfortable actions. I reached out to people on Facebook asking for help in finding a place. I checked listings daily. I had conversations with friends of friends about what might be available.
And from these actions I found help. An amazing real estate agent that ended up finding both mine and my ex’s place (and in a weird twist of fate, is now a friend); old friends that reached out with a name of someone to connect with or just emotional support. I was willing to take any action necessary, or that came to my mind, no matter how uncomfortable, or vulnerable, it may have been.
5. PHYSICAL. Relocating is no joke. Packing up an entire house and the logistics of moving across state lines - it was all up to me. I got clear on what I could and couldn’t do - I could pack, but I hired movers to load and unload trucks and then a last minute hire to have someone haul away anything leftover that didn’t get packed up.
It took, and takes, a village. “When right action is taken a 1,000 invisible hands emerge to assist” – Adam Smith, was certainly true for me. In conversation, I would share what I was going through or what I needed, and someone would offer something they recently heard about or saw which would end up being the exact thing that I needed or used.
6. MENTAL. Leaving friends, the known, trusting. I had to trust that what I wanted (step 1) was possible.
I knew that there were, the possibility of, multiple outcomes of what I wanted: there was (a) exactly what I wanted, (b) kind of what I wanted, or (c) not at all what I wanted but I would grab anything out of fear and desperation.
I held out for #1 and option (a) and I got everything and more. But it didn’t appear until THREE DAYS BEFORE I MOVED AND MY ENTIRE HOUSE WAS PACKED UP. Yep. I was moving with two teenage kids and didn’t have a place to live. But I trusted that I wasn’t going to settle and that I could move into an AirBnb if I needed to.*
I committed, I trusted and I was not going to accept less - and it all came together.
But not without a couple of tests along the way:
Like when I was offered a place two days before the one that I got. 3BR with a casita. No pool. No go. My friends thought I was insane.
Then there was a hiccup with signing the lease the day I was supposed to get the keys, while in the middle of Death Valley, with little cell service, where I proceeded to have a major breakdown.
7. GRATITUDE. I am still in shock how great my place is, how great our new friends are and how easy this move has been (now that we are on this side of it). Spiritual teachings say that our outward circumstances are a direct reflection of our internal beliefs and I have to say that the work I have been doing on myself over the past years seems to be paying off.
While I was in the process of the move, I just kept imagining how great my place would be and bringing up the emotion of how it would feel when I got it – I can honestly say that I have been overcome with that exact same emotion, many times, since I have moved in.
I share these steps with you to help inspire you in case you too have something you are trying to create in your life. To write/think through these steps - or any others that come to you or are right for you - in order to create the outcome that you desire!
“May today there be peace within.
May we trust that we are exactly where we are meant to be.
May we not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others.
May we use the gifts that we have received and pass on the love that has been given to us.
May we be content with ourselves just the way we are.
Let this knowledge settle into our bones and allow our soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.
It is there for each and every one of us. ”
If you need assistance with any of the above, feel free to book a 30-minute clarity call with me here https://calendly.com/jess-mcclure/30-minute-clarity and I’d love to assist you.
* I want to fully acknowledge my privilege here. Not everyone may have the opportunity to hold out for their (a) option - be it timing, funds, back-up plans, etc. I didn’t have to rely on them, but I knew I could if I needed to. Also, regarding the people and money to help support this move; I acknowledge that many have it way easier than me, and many do not. This move would have been immensely more difficult without both of these things.
And in case you are ever in need of a parking spot, St. Therese never fails:
“St. Therese, St. Therese,
Find me a place, not to far, to park my car.”